Learning to love my Plus Size Postpartum Body

Loving my body has never been something that came naturally to me. I was born in a time where we didn’t celebrate all body sizes. I was bullied in school for my size and looking back at some of my tragic wardrobe choices, I think of all the limited places available for me to buy clothes. It was as if society alone was telling me I shouldn’t be this size.  I think at some point along the way I started thinking there was something wrong with how I looked.  It certainly effected my sex life and my confidence and I’m so thankful for any girls growing up now that have more choice and positive role models to look up to.

I’ve had the pleasure of meeting so many amazing women in the plus size community that are literally paving the way for younger girls to grow up with the ability to feel confident in their own skin. They’ve taken the power out of the word Fat and inspire others with their confidence.

It was through my blog i found more confidence and in the last few years I could look into the mirror and I see a beautiful woman. I saw my curves, my wobbly bits, I felt sexy and beautiful and it wasn’t about my size or about the number on the label in my jeans. It was a confidence, and it was all mine and I was so happy to have found it. At one point it was something I helped encourage in others and there is something very powerful and humbling about being told you’re inspiring someone else.

When trying to get pregnant, I had various health issues so losing weight was often the first tip told to me. I actually lost 5 stone whilst on Slimming world and help my odds to fall pregnant and when I did I was over the moon.  It was a really complicated pregnancy and I had so many issues one after the other. Recovery wasn’t that peachy either, but here I am, almost 11 months PostPartum and I have the most gorgeous daughter, but I’ve lost my confidence and my ability to see a beautiful woman in the mirror.

My confidence has really taken a knock since having Amelia, my whole body has changed. My boobs are a different shape, my belly is saggy(er) and my whole tummy shape is more round and bigger. I love my daughter so much and having her was the biggest gift in the world, but since having her, I’ve fallen out of love with myself and I’m trying my best to get back there but .. I’m not quite there yet and I’ve been struggling. I found it so hard to find clothes I felt good in to go back to work and I just feel like I’m struggling daily with it and actually.. that’s ok. It will take time.

I’m learning to love my ‘imperfections‘. My stretchmarks are a good thing, and they are a daily reminder I carried Amelia for 9 months, and I can’t help but think I spend less time on my appearance now after having her, because I just don’t have the time to keep everything looking maintained and groomed but that doesn’t make me any less beautiful.

I’m trying to love myself again, I’m trying to love how my brain now works, to stop putting myself down at work before I ask a question in fear it will be silly because I didn’t understand.  To stop putting so much pressure on myself to be this super woman that has come back to work as if I’ve not been off work for months and had a baby. I created a life and it’s a huge adjustment at home, and with my relationship, and coming back to work to a promotion with things to learn and more responsibility at work and at home.. I can’t expect to be an expert yet and I can’t put myself down when I don’t get it right all the time. I’m trying my hardest and that’s all that matters. That I try. Everyday.

For the last few months I’ve been treating my body and spending more time on some self-love. I just treated myself to a bunch of Lush products and foot spa bits so I can pamper myself and feel good.

One thing I’ve been also trying, is treating myself  to a new bit of lingerie each month and the mega babes over at Tutti Rouge sent me this gorgeous bralette and brief set called ‘Madison’ from their new sister range Rougette and I think Madison is the perfect set to carry on my journey to love my body. – What is it about leopard print lingerie that makes you feel sexier? I think the only thing I’f prefer is the fuller size briefs as these kept rolling down under my tummy and I’d of preferred the fuller pair for them to stay up, otherwise they are gorgeous!

Rougette launched in August 2017 and offers designer lingerie for fuller cups ranging from DD-G cups and 32-42 back. Not only are all the designs sexy AF, but they are seriously reasonably priced at only £20 for Bras, £15 for Bralettes and Briefs for £10.

I wanted to share some un-edited photos of me wearing my Madison set, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little embarrassed, it’s not the first time I’ve posted lingerie photos on my blog, I’m sure it won’t be the last, but it’s the first time that I have when my body confidence was so low and if anything, that’s why I need to. There is nothing wrong with my body. It’s beautiful.  I don’t need to diet, I don’t need to change anything about it, all I need to change is how I see it and that doesn’t happen overnight, but hopefully recognising that and going on this journey of self-acceptance and self-love, is a great first stepping stone, and I’m really thankful to be taking it with Rougette.

If you’re reading this and feeling down about your body after having a baby. Hell, even if you haven’t had a baby and you’re trying to feel more body confident, no matter what your size is, You’re not alone. You’re beautiful, you are enough and if you let yourself, you will find that you can love your body just as it is. One day at a time.

So here is my body, in all its glory, I might not see it’s beauty everyday, but It gave me my daughter and that makes this body a pretty special one to me, no matter it’s size.