It always makes me laugh when I see mothers a few months pregnant saying they wont let their child watch TV or wont let them have a dummy, and then once their baby is born or a few months down the line, the very things they vowed never to do, they swear by to get them through the day without having a breakdown, so here I am posting about what nobody tells you when you’re a year down the line!
Hormones are set to Hyper Sensitive 24/7
I feel like I went from being somewhat normal and just having a few days of PMS to being permanently on sensitive mode. It doesn’t even need to be anywhere near my cycle, I’ve found I’m so much more in tune with my feelings and emotions and things really overwhelm me at times. I’ve said it before, it’s like being pregnant has taken some of my attributes and magnified them, but sadly, it wasn’t all of the positive ones. I’ve found I’m super quick to second guess myself, put myself down and generally just think I’m doing a crap job being a mum, fiance, a Manager at work and everything in between. I know this isn’t the case but it’s been a battle getting back to “me” and finding my confidence again.
PND can come back anytime
When I went back to work it really hit me. So many emotions as I mentioned above and going back full time straight away fucked me up big time. I think whilst it was how it needed to be, if I can advise, do it gradually for your sanity! I found I had huge withdrawal symptoms, and as I’m such a control freak, I hated that it was my mum that got to then be with Amelia all day. Even now I still feel the ups and downs a lot harder, the smallest thing can set me off and I feel so so down, and yet something so simple can give me a buzz all day. I found I was having problems trying to do everything, or it certainly felt like I was doing everything and my mind instantly went to the thought of “I can’t cope”, and it got to the point where I was putting myself down all the time at work, even my colleagues were concerned about my mental well being. Motherhood can be a motherfucker when it’s not being this amazing wondrous gift and its learning to take the rough with the smooth. The sleepless nights for the times they only want a cuddle from you. It’s ok if you’re tired and need a moment’s peace. It’s ok if you’re feeling overwhelmed being at home all day with your child or equally feeling the pressure of being at work all day and then switching that part of you off when you come home. However what you’re feeling is probably normal and justified, but it wont always be like this and you can always talk to someone.. hell, you can always talk to me 🙂 – My email is always open to anyone who ever wants to rant (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Moments mean more (BRING ON THE HOARDING)
Why is it, that I want to save EVERYTHING and not throw anything away? Why does having a baby make moments mean more? I want to capture moments on camera so I don’t forget them, rather then be in that moment enjoying them to the fullest. I’ve kept most of Amelia’s clothes and told myself it’s for baby number 2. Lord help the potential son I have as all the clothes he’s gonna be in are cat themed and leopard print haha. Try and be strict, chuck away the extra 10 cuddly toys. They don’t need them. Splurge of the big stuff and don’t give in to buying all the expensive clothes when they are younger, they grow out of them just as quick 😛
Buy drain unblocker now. Don’t ask questions, just do it. I know I have a lot of hair and I joke about looking like Hagrid from Harry Potter, but the amount of hair I lose every wash is concerning to the point I may need to look into getting advanced tricho pigmentation transplant to gain me some hair back! That’s how bad it is! Somehow it was coming out in clumps and It was still as thick as ever, but lately it’s been noticably thing.. hmm maybe it’s just stress haha..
Future career at a Circus
With all the plates I spin, I always feel like one more will make me drop everything and then 2 new plates come along at the same time and I have to re-prioritise and somehow manage to incorporate them into the lineup. Being a grown up is one thing, you have food shopping, housework, like cleaning, washing up and clothes washing. Being a parent I’m thinking about meal plans, meal prep, clothes washing and sleeping routines. Being a Fiance, I find myself wanting to have a ‘date-night’ night in, I think about things we can do together and as a family, which leads me onto the social calender and seeing friends and family..god I’m exhausted just typing it all up but these are just a few plates I spin, I’ve not even included my work ones haha..
I’m learning how to prioritise better, how to not freak out when it doesn’t go to plan, and how to delegate some of my plates to my other half James to help ease the pressure and to just remember that my plates are plastic, so if I do drop one, even if its only or a second, I can pick it up again anytime and that doesn’t make me a failure.